Our Story, Day 6

Day six of "our story"

I was supposed to be in 11th grade, but was almost finished with 12th. Just one of the benefits of homeschooling. Rather than spending my senior year doing one class, I decided to take my GED and go on to college. I applied at a relatively nearby University, and got in. Paul and I knew we would eventually get married and with me going to college a year earlier, it could be sooner. So, at 16, I graduated high school and was accepted in college. I turned 17 over the summer. My, what a year it had been. I had experienced a great amount of spiritual growth and matured so much in that time. It is evident in my diary, which the middle school girls at my church get to read. The change in my life from my full on commitment to Christ (right around my 16th birthday) is plain as day evident in my entries. I went from being self centered, to looking out at my future, and considering others before myself.

Around the end of July or beginning of August, Paul took me out to dinner and to a jewelry store. He was letting me pick out my ring. After looking a little while I picked out the ring style and the diamond I wanted him to buy. He acted as if it would take a little bit of time for him to pay for it and he would probably propose in October, once it was paid for. 

Monday August 19th I started my college classes, the very first time I had ever sat in an academic class in my life. Guess what? This homeschooled girl did just fine. I was not anymore socially awkward than any other introvert, and I didn't fall apart from the physcological stress of going from homeschool to college.

The Friday of that week was the Christian Education Convention with church. Due to classes that day, I couldn't ride with everyone else from church. So I rode with Pauls mom over to where the convention was. It also was where his sister lived so she was going that way anyway. We got to the hotel right about time for dinner, Paul helped me unload my bags and put them in the hotel room, then we went to his sister's apartment. After being there for a few minutes we loaded up in the car and headed off to eat dinner.

We finished eating and went back to her apartment, Paul said that he wanted to watch the weather before going back to the hotel. I thought that was a bit strange but this is Paul we are talking about. As soon as the weather is over he says “Okay, lets go!” 

As we were leaving the apartment he handed me a beach towel and got something out of the refrigerator that looked like a champagne bottle in a bag. I asked him what it was he said “It’s a surprise for someone”. *insert eye roll by me here*

I continued to ask him questions about the towel and whatever was in the bag, and he said nothing of value. Finally I asked one last time and he said “Okay, you know how I have said I wanted to go to that island over here? Well, I figured since we don’t come up here that often then I would take you there tonight” I thought that was sweet, but it still didn’t answer what was in the bag!

When we got there he laid the towel out on the ground, it was a little damp since it had sprinkled earlier. The view was amazing, we could see the Bridge with all the lights on it, and to top it off, the moon was perfectly centered in-between the two towers on the bridge. It was beautiful.  As I am sitting on the towel he gets up and goes back to the car and comes back with the mystery bottle that I was wondering about and two champagne glasses. A little nervous about the answer, but I asked him what it was. “This is the surprise.” It turns out that it was Sparkling Grape Juice. Whew.

He poured a little in each glass then said, “Let’s toast to our future! Now you have to sip that, and drink all of it or it doesn’t work.” Wondering what wasn't going to work, I said “Okay” and started sipping it.

After only a couple of minutes of sipping he asks me if I am done with it, and I said “No...” while I was thinking, “You just told me to sip it, and now you are hurrying me?”   *Insert another eye roll*

As I am about to take the last sip, I see something in the bottom of the glass. I could not tell what it was at first, but as I looked closer, I could tell that it was a ring. I almost broke the glass trying to get that ring out. When I finally did I just looked at him in disbelief, was he really proposing to me now?!?! Then, as I was starting to cry, he told me to stand up so he could do this right, then he said “Will you marry me?”  I think ya'll know what I said.

I guess he wanted the guys at college to leave me alone. I got that ring well before spring.

Our Story, Day 5

Day five of "our story"


In February of course was Valentine's Day. Paul gave me a magnificent card  and a teddy bear. The card was very special in that it had a bench on it that had a heart sitting on the bench. You see, it was the picture of a bench we sat on that looked out on a lake. The card stated that I held his heart. The man can be quite the romantic when he wants to be. 

It was also the month for a youth event called Aquire the Fire. I went with my best friend Tarah, her family and another friend Jenna. I was a last minute add on to the trio so I didn't have a ticket. Paul and his friend Mark were taking their Royal Ranger group and had an extra ticket. Wonder how that happened?
 
They were also borrowing my Dodge Durango to drive to the event. So since I was getting my ticket from them.... I sat with them for Friday and Saturday services. It was the polite thing to do, at least I played it off as that, since those around me didn't know Paul and I had been seeing each other. Somehow I ended up next to Paul every time we sat down, crazy how that happened. Anyway, it was very cold (Paul actually brought me socks on Saturday since I didn't have any and was wearing flip flops) so we both had jackets, he was wearing his and I had mine draped over me. Soon enough we were holding hands under the cover of the jacket, those around us still in the dark.

A favorite memory I have of that event was watching Paul worship during the service. He was a man after Gods heart. Something that was vitally important to me, I wanted a man who seeks God. I so badly wanted Paul to be my future husband.

Somewhere around the next week or so we went to the wedding of a mutual friend. Of course, to keep everyone else out of the loop, we were sitting with our individual families. Politely, Paul came over to say hello to me and my mom (wow did I loved seeing that man smile),  then went back and sat next to his mom.  

A few minutes later Paul walks back over and asks if he can sit with us. A bit stunned, I smile and say of course. He sat down next to me. I asked what he was doing, I'm not even sure what he said, but something to the effect of everyone will find out eventually anyway, might as well be now. So, he sat with me the rest of the wedding and following festivities. No one said a word. I didn't even really notice anyone looking. Then he sat with me again the next morning at church. People noticed.

It was then we were called in to talk to our Youth Pastor and his wife (Paul was a youth leader, and I was a youth aged youth leader). We let them know we had begun a courtship, and to ease their minds, we let them know we were only spending time with each other at our families house or at events. 

The next month was a big event for Paul. It was PowWow, the big yearly camping event for the Rangers in the state. The evening service was open so girls could attend and Paul invited me. I watched him get on stage and do a short talk about the Gold Medal of Achievement. A boy near me was trying to talk to me and flirt with me. I admit, I really enjoyed letting him know I was trying to listen to my boyfriend, the tall slim guy on stage. After the service that night Paul walked me out to my car. We talked for a few minutes and sat in the car due to bugs. As he was saying goodbye and about to get out of my car, I knew he was the one.  I knew I never wanted to say goodbye anymore, only goodnight. I knew he would be the daddy to my babies. I knew he would be the man to get the rest of my kisses for life.  Keep in mind, I still hadn't kissed the guy. Remember, I wasn't going to unless I knew he was the one I would marry? Now, I don't rush into things so I didn't kiss him that night, but I did the next night.

I found out later, Paul already knew I was the one for him. That is his story though, not mine.

Only problem.... I'm still 16...

Our Story, Day 4

Day four of "our story"

Paul lived about an hour away at the time, but came down to our hometown for church Tuesday nights to help with youth and then again to his parents for the weekend on Friday nights to get his laundry done and go to church on Sunday. One night he told me he was going to try to find a church closer to his apartment so he wasn't driving back and forth twice a week. He never found another church...

Around late October we finally admitted to each other, that despite trying not to have feelings for each other... we did. He found me to be a very impressive young lady who any man would be blessed to marry one day. I found him to be more than what I could have dreamed up  the perfect guy to be. We never had a set date of "going out" or a certain time of when we became "boy friend & girl friend", we just were. But, no one else knew we were. Due to the age difference, we didn't tell anyone outside of our family. 

It was still at least a few weeks after we knew we were a couple that  I let him put his arm around me and we finally held hands. There had been a bon fire for the church youth at someone's house. Paul and I were there, we talked a bit but not enough to draw attention to the fact we were together. I left the event shortly after Paul did, and I had to stop by his parents house to pick up dish he had borrowed (ok, maybe it was a butter dish that was completely throw away but we will ignore that fact). While we were outside by my car talking, he put his arm around me. He asked if it was ok and if I was comfortable with it, because he really wanted to put his arms around me. I remember feeling my heart beating in my throat, I remember feeling like I almost couldn't breathe, and of course I loved it.

By the holiday season Paul was over to my families house almost every Friday night for dinner, and I went to his parents Saturday afternoon and stayed for dinner. Normally, he would stop by after Youth on Tuesday nights. We talked on the phone the nights we didn't get to see each other. Sometimes until 1am. The poor guy had to go to work the next day.... I guess he really enjoyed talking to me. I was still adding things to my future husband list that were Pauls characteristics. I knew one thing for sure, if I didn't marry him I still wanted a man who was like him.

Our time spent with our families, as opposed to alone on dates, meant that we got to get to know each other for who we really were. Its hard to be fake around your family. Also our family could see our relationship, how we interacted and tell us of any red flags they saw. It also meant that preserving our purity was easier. Since we were not really alone much, we couldn't get into situations where compromising our values would be easy. 

We had Thanksgiving dinner with each others family, then Christmas. I knew Paul was a goofball while at the same time very serious about things he needed to be serious about. Obviously, he could take a good joke too, since his uncle sent his Christmas gift in a Kotex box.

He left to go out of state shortly after Christmas to visit family. It was then I realized just how much we talked. Even though it wasn't really any different in the time between when I would normally get to see him, I didn't get to talk to him on the phone. It was back in the dark ages of roaming charges on cell phones (kids, that meant if you were out of state, they charged an arm and leg for you to use your cell phone). We emailed a lot while he was gone (which by the way, our email was not on our phones).  One email I got from him said something about people talking about their best friends, and he realized then that I was his best friend. I knew he was my best friend by that point too.
 
What I really wanted to know is if he would be my husband one day. I so badly wanted him to be. 

Our Story, Day 3

Day three of "our story"

Paul started talking to me more after he realized I wasn't quite as young as he thought. Through the conversations we had online I got to know what an awesome guy he was. We had similar passions and beliefs. I talked to him about the book Choosing God's Best and we had very meaningful conversations about relationships and dating, and our future marriages. One time he was telling me how he wondered if something was wrong with him, that he wasn't married yet and wasn't even in a serious relationship and he was almost 25. I responded by telling him that either he wasn't ready, or, maybe the woman God had for him wasn't ready. I honestly didn't know why he didn't have a girlfriend. He seemed like the perfect guy.

I had decided to go all in on the letting God write my love story thing. So much that I decided I wasn't going to even kiss anyone else until I knew I was going to marry him. That was so far away from where I had been 6 months prior. You see, I wanted a boyfriend and I wanted to kiss a boy. Which I did, but it was not all movies had made it out to be. I really liked this one boy, but he had a girlfriend. I also liked another guy who was single, but he didn't want to ask me out. Following the advice of the first guy, I then involved yet another guy by flirting with him to make the second guy jealous. I know I hurt the third guy, and it was all out of selfishness. Selfishness is such an ugly thing when we realize what we have done. I didn't want to seek things out of selfishness any longer. That meant I wasn't going to take any more kisses that didn't belong to MY husband.

Since Paul was older than me, we were strictly friends. I mean, I did think he had the most spectacular blue eyes ever and he was super hot, for an old guy. But he was my friend, older, and not an option. I enjoyed talking to him online and found that as I got to know him, there were things about him I knew I wanted in a husband. So, I started adding to a list I was making. A future husband list. You know, when you go to the grocery store without a list and you end up forgetting things you wanted and getting a bunch of junk you don't need? Well, I viewed it the same for my future husband. I was making a list of what I was looking for in a future husband, and if a guy didn't meet my requirements, he wasn't going to be an option. Through my friendship with Paul, I found I was adding more and more to my list, based off of him.

Eventually he started calling me. This was after he stole my phone number, from my own phone. I still remember that night and how I was slightly perturbed by the fact he didn't ask me for my number. Remember guy number three? Well I had refused to go out with him simply because he got my number from a friend and didn't ask me for it. He also had his friend as me out for him, that was a no go for me even though I desperately wanted a boyfriend. 

Soon enough, we were talking on the phone every night, and for hours at a time. I knew I found him to be an incredible man, really good looking, and exactly what I wanted to marry. He was just 8 years older than me, and when you are 16, that is a big difference. I also knew more than anything, I wanted to follow God's will for my life. I prayed a lot about what to do with the feelings I was having for him, and the feelings he finally admitted having for me.

Around the time of homecoming, Paul wanted to do something nice for me but knew he couldn't take me out on a date. He knew that since I was homeschooled I wouldn't be going to the homecoming dance. So he arranged to take me and a few of my friends out to a nice dinner so we could get all dressed up. He took us to the Chart House, and if you know how Paul doesn't like to spend his money, this was big for him. This grand gesture for me was unseen for others. They didn't know we spent hours on the phone, or that he was becoming my best friend. This man took us all out for dinner, just so he could take me out for Homecoming. He didn't get to sit next to me in the car and talk to me. I don't even think he sat right next to me at dinner. He was getting nothing out of it except creating a memorable night for me.

It was around this time that we began to spend a lot of time with each other, but only around our families. When we would go to leave each others houses, he would chase me around my car trying to get a hug, which I would only side hug at that. He was always respectful of me and my purity. Something quite opposite of what guy number one (from before) had told me a few months earlier, which was "I'm not interested in going out with you cause I know you won't do anything with me."

Our Story, Day 2

Day two of "our story"

Back in the day before texting, the main form of communication outside of talking on the phone was instant messaging. I had both AOL instant messenger and MSN messenger. While on that youth trip, I got everyone's messenger name that I didn't already have so I could talk to them outside of church. Well, as a joke, someone on the trip gave me Pauls messenger name rather than theirs. I am pretty sure they were trying to be mean to Paul and at the same time, thought I was annoying.

I messaged Paul and he of course asked how I got his name, he was probably taking notes and going to toilet paper someones car over it. We chatted a couple of times online, he seemed like a nice enough guy. For an old guy that is. He was friends with someone in the church I was interested in, this gave us some common ground.

As my relationship with Christ grew stronger, and I started handing over more of my life to Him, I started losing the obsession I had with wanting a boyfriend. I still wanted one, but was starting to see that wasn't all life had to offer. After I had read the book I bought at the youth conference, Choosing Gods Best, I contemplated the radical idea of leaving my love life up to the Savior. I found that the closer I got to God, the less I wanted to pursue a relationship with a boy. The one boy I had been obsessed with wanting to out with for the past three years was not even appealing to me. The one guy at church that I was interested in, evidently was not interested in me. So, after a week or two, I took the leap, I left my love life in God's hands. I decided to focus on being Mrs. Right, being a whole woman, rather than spending my time searching for Mr. Right. 

Right about that time (which was about 2 months after the youth trip) was when I caught Paul's attention. I wasn't trying to, it just happened. The outfit I was wearing evidently was quite memorable to him. He will tell the story of the girl in a red shirt and black pants that walked into church one morning. He saw me from his car but didn't know who I was, just that I looked nice and he wanted to meet me. To hear him tell the story, he darted for the door so he could make a good impression but didn't make it before I got in and lost in the crowd. Once he finally got in and saw who the girl was in the red shirt, he realized that I was not actually twelve but he was still too old for that girl. 

He did end up talking to me that day. Apparently he noticed that I had the attention of some other guys. There were about five of them hanging around talking to me after service that morning. In true Paul style he walks up and says "Guys you look like flies on crap." The boys had a deer in the headlights look and all slowly walk away. Really, even though it was a bit insulting, it was smart. He then had me all to himself. 

How did I feel about the comment? I'm pretty sure I asked him WHY he just said I was a pile of crap. I have no idea what else we talked about at that time, I'm sure it was something we had in common, besides the color pink, Coca-Cola and pouring Doritos on our plates. Since he realized I was NOT twelve.

Later that afternoon he got online and messaged me. He let me know I was very pretty that morning. Immediately I responded with, "I thought you had a girlfriend." He let me know that they had broken up a few weeks prior, and that he was just trying to complement me. 

That night at church he even came over and started chatting with me. One of my friends accused us of flirting since we were having a conversation. I pointed out that flirting was what she and the guy sitting next to her were doing, not what Paul and I were doing. Really, we weren't flirting, we were talking, he was way to old for me to consider in that way even if I had been looking.

Our Story, Day 1

Last July, I noticed many friends posting in a photo challenge to post a photo of themselves with their spouse every day for a week. While I thought that was cool, I wanted to try something a little different. So in addition to a picture everyday, I posted a little bit of our story to go with it. 

I am beefing up the story a little, and adding it here. 

 

In July of 2001 I went on a youth trip to Branded By Fire in Brownsville, Florida. I was mostly interested in this trip to spend 5 days away from home with friends. I had never been away from home for more than one day, so 5 days was very exciting to me. 

We had many adventures on the way up, a stolen teddy bear, plastic bottle rings, and lots of card playing. Once we got there I got to see what this whole event was about. We had morning services while our youth pastors got to go to youth leader training's, lunch, free time in the afternoon, and back again at night for the PM service.

On one of the days at lunch time, this crazy guy from the group is standing next to me in line for food. His name was Paul, but I had been told by another youth leader to call him Jr if I wanted to irritate him. That was the extent of my knowledge of this guy. Well, as we are standing in line, he randomly tells me pink is his favorite color (I was wearing a pink shirt), following up with saying we have something in common. Coincidentally, he ends up sitting across from me at lunch. He has Doritos, burrito with onions, and a Coke. I have the same meal. Smiling, he looks at me and says "we have the same food. Did you get onions on your burrito too?" Pouring my doritos on my plate I say "yes". He responds with "Look, you even poured your Doritos on your plate like me. Man we have a lot in common." 

I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes at him and started a conversation with someone else near me. 

This crazy guy did have the most beautiful blue eyes ever, but one other thing I knew about him was that he was wayyyyy to old for me, he was 24 and I was 16. He was not an option. Just a goofball.

This trip wasn't just about God for me. While I was learning more about him, I was also pretty distracted with basically every "cute" guy there. You see, I wanted a boyfriend so bad. I basically was obsessed with wanting a relationship. I felt something was wrong with me for not having been in one yet. God was working on me though. See, I had read this fiction series in which the guy was the perfect Christian guy, and I kinda wanted a boyfriend like that. Just not bad enough to give it all over to God.

During the day you could also go to the store, buy VHS copies of the service (those old school things), books, CD's, teeshirts and other things from the speaker. While looking at books, I picked up a book called "Choosing Gods Best". That was a topic I was interested in, and as I was looking at it, my youth pastors wife said was good. So, I bought the book.

Social Media

You can learn a lot about people from social media. Whether it is intentional or not, you take mental notes on others. I'm not talking just about the oversharing of ones personal life, passive aggressive or vague angry posts, dietary consumption, or obsession with selfies. I'm talking about our social media lives. The culmination of how we post, what we post about, likes, shares, and photos.


Typo's, grammatical errors, misspellings and such. 

The most noticeable thing about people is their use of the English language, or sometimes the lack there of. Even though one of the things that make me cringe is the misuse of "there, their, and they're". I've done it. I've written aloud when I meant to write allowed. I've posted a status update where I had a very clear typo (in my defense, most of those were done on a phone and I blame my fingers), sometimes even I have fallen victim to auto correct. So, really, I get it. It happens. I am not too harsh on the average person with a grammatical error or typo here and there. Even if its a person that makes the same error all the time, I probably won't comment a correction to their grammar, even if I think it (ok, there was one person I did that to, and I really didn't care if they unfriended me over it). I'll try not to judge them. However, I do think teachers, organizations, and businesses however, should not be making simple errors like the wrong form of "there" or "to". I will come close to posting a correction to those... I'll type out what I want to say in that little white box, I just might not actually hit the word "post", If I know the person well, I'll message them to get their act together. I admit, I do think about tagging them in pictures like this:



I don't, but I do think about it.

What do these things tell us about people? Well, how well they paid attention in school might be the first thing that comes to most peoples minds. It might be tempting for those who are grammar police (I do not consider myself this for the simple fact, I DO NOT know all things grammar), to think people are just dumb. While that may be true that some people did not pay attention in school, we also take into consideration that formal writing is not used in all professions. For people who have not had to do any formal writing for 5 or more years, the art is probably a little dusty. Others may know the difference, but their brain thinks faster than their fingers and, without proof reading, they make the mistakes. I personally can write out the word experiment and spell it correctly, but when I type it I write "experiement". Every. Single. Time. So, I have to type that word slowly and tell my fingers not to type the e after the i. Regardless of what the reason is for a typo, we take notes.


Likes 

Ever see a suggested Facebook page to like and it tells you how many of your friends that like that page? They do that to get you to like the page. Simple use of the Bandwagon persuasion technique I remember teaching my 6th grade reading class. If Paige likes this page, so should you! I don't usually hop on any bandwagon just because my friends do. I have to check things out. Still, by showing me which friends like a page, I have found pages that I follow because I checked it out after seeing that "Paul liked this page". 
It gets more interesting when you see that someone likes something that... well.... maybe you think they shouldn't? Like the male worship leader that "likes" Victorias Secret, the girls ministry leader that "likes" the movie "American Pie",  or even the greeter at the front door who "likes" a song that is all about prostitution. Facebook even tells us when someone "likes" an article. We get to see when they "like" a post about someone going out to party after their hard week. We see when they like the article about their favorite tv show renewing seasons. All of that information is put out there for us to see, and, right or wrong, we store that information about them.


Shares

This one is a pet peeve of mine. People share things without thinking. They are devout Christians yet share a photo or post of false religion teaching, with an "amen" in their post. Through Facebook posts you can learn that some people have a very little understanding of who Christ really is. For example sharing photos proving your love for Jesus. I've read the whole Bible, and unless I missed something, sharing a photo of Obi-won Kenobi in a Jedi robe* does not mean you are saved. My understanding is that confessing with your mouth that He is Lord and believing in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead is how you gain salvation.


In that same group, sharing a photo of money will not get you a blessing from God any more than sharing the photo of the poor kid in the hospital will get Facebook to donate money. This tells me that the person sharing the post is easy to fall into a hoax, a religious one or a Facebook one.

Whats the one I fall into? Sharing the posts about winning leggings..... I really want a pair, I really do. I am not paying $25 for some though. Will I really win any? Probably not, with 10K other people sharing, it won't be me. Alas, for some reason I lack the self control to not share the stinking post. 


So What?

Ok so, grammatical errors and typos are really not that important in the grand scheme of things. What about the rest? Why is all of that important? Is the whole point that we shouldn't judge others? Well, of course we don't judge because we aren't the Judge, that's God. However, we do know the standards we have been called to and we are to stand firm in them. We are to encourage others and teach others the right way. Titus 2:15 tells us to encourage and rebuke with all authority. We as Christians are set apart from the world. God's word gives us directions on living a Holy Life. When a fellow believer is walking out of line, we are told to let them know. Doesn't mean WE have the power to condemn them to hell. We teach them what we know.

What about unbelievers? What do we do to them? Well, that is really what my point is all about. Earlier, in Titus chapter 2, it tells us that we are to set examples for others in our speech, integrity and doing what is good. If I say "I'm a Christian!" but I am hateful toward those that I don't see eye to eye, what does that say? What about when I "like" a movie that is all about premarital teenage sex, and I just got through telling my class of teenage girls to save themselves for marriage? How about when I share the photo of money waiting for God to bless me? Is that soundness of speech?

Do you see where the signals of what we are saying and what we are showing on Facebook start to contradict themselves?

Maybe we need to watch what we post on social media so others don't see. That would be the Pharisaical thing to do. Jesus calls us to go deeper than what others see and look at our hearts. Go beyond just cleaning up our social media accounts, have the Holy Spirit clean up our hearts. Check out all of Titus chapter 2, and see what it says about how we, as Christians, are to live.


Now, let me go share that LuLaRoe post one more time, in hopes of getting leggings. I'm still working on that area.


* I have recently learned that the actor who played Obi-Won did play Jesus in a movie in 2015. The picture on Facebook however, is still Obi-Won.