The Two Part Salvation

I love using Max Lucado's study books for the start of my devotion time. The questions he poses, along with the excerpts from books to give perspective to the scripture, help me get in the mindset for my person Bible reading. I read the devotion, then take part of it and do my own scripture reading and reflecting. And, when I have a cup of coffee to go with it, it makes it even more enjoyable.

Romans 10:9 says:
"If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

In Max Lucado's study book on Romans, he brings up this required two part response from us, to be saved. Not only do I have to say it out of my own mouth, I have to believe it in my heart too.

Doing one or the other is actually pretty easy. I can keep my salvation to myself and not cause any ripples, not, offend anyone....  all simply by believing in Jesus Christ. It seems pretty easy, but, there is a problem. Satan knows that God raised Jesus from the dead. He isn't saved.

Ok, so what about the other one? That one is actually pretty easy too. I can say it, even if I don't believe it, just to be on the safe side and make it to heaven... if heaven is actually real. Plus, I can still do the things I want to, I've already said Jesus is Lord, I'm good.

Sorry, nope. Not how it works. BOTH are required of us. The combination of the two are what makes it a little harder for some to really make the commitment to Christ. Without belief and relationship with Christ, we certainly can't do the things HE has called us to do. We can't be "good enough" for him. Our good works come from the relationship with him, not the other way around. The second part, being vocal about your salvation, is required so that others can experience what we have. Spreading the message of Christ isn't reserved for those with a title, like pastor, evangelist, or even teacher. It is for all who know him.

It doesn't mean you need to stand on a box in the middle of the street and preach with a megaphone. In fact in Matthew, when Jesus did the Sermon on the Mount, it says Jesus saw the crowds, went up on the mountainside and began to teach his disciples. Did others hear it and start listening? Yeah. They weren't forced to by him yelling at them, telling them that they were sinners going to hell. They chose to listen to Him teach his disciples.

I think there are a couple of important things to notice here.

1. Before he could teach his disciples, he had to have disciples. People had to notice something very different about this man, and it had to be something they wanted.We need to be different too, and different in a way that makes people want what we have. Salvation.
2.  He taught his disciples. He didn't tell them to just do what he says (that would be no different than following the Levitical Law). He didn't preach at them, yelling and screaming. Most importantly his message was different from the pharisees (the Law once again). They were about being clean on the outside, something that was near impossible but they took pride in. His message was about looking at the heart and the hope of a savior. Something beyond the law.

So how does this play into Romans 10:9? The two parts of salvation. Belief and the personal relationship with Him brings change to our lives.That change will be noticeable, people will see it. The confession with our mouth is the public part. Its how people know WHY our lives are the way they are. Its how we share the good news. Like Jesus, our lives should bring people to want to know more and it is our job (not your pastor's) to, like Jesus, teach them.

Our Story, Day 7

Day seven of "our story"


Over the next year many things happened, most of that will be saved for another time. Moving out of my parents when I turned 18 and continuing to work on a bachelors in Elementary Education was a big thing. I felt like God wanted me where I was and that he would provide a way for me to attend. Paul wanted me to go to the community college since it would be cheaper. I ended up only having to pay $500 that first semester, no loans. God provides, we just have to be faithful. 

We were going to get married November 22nd, so our honeymoon could take place over fall break. Through a series of events that changed some things, we decided to elope.
I was questioned by the student life department at college on why we would elope and encouraged not to make that "mistake". I was told "You don't want to do that. You will miss out on your dream wedding. Didn't you dream about your wedding as a little girl?"

I guess I'm not good at following the advice of people when I know what God has already told me. So we eloped on October 17th. Getting married in the courthouse and not a church, in a $17 white dress and not my big wedding dress (that I already had), after taking a midterm and not after going to a salon to get my hair done and eating a Longhorn Steakhouse rather than having a reception.... And it was perfect. It was the day I married my best friend, the man God made just for me. You see for me, it was never about  a wedding. It was about a marriage. As a child I never daydreamed about my wedding, I did however daydream about being married to a man that loved me. I also wanted to be a mom to four kids. My day dreams were nothing in comparison to real life, I am blessed beyond measure.

People still ask me if I plan to renew my vows in church one day, since "I didn't get a church wedding". The answer is no. I have not missed out on anything by not having a wedding in a church. The wedding is an expensive party that lasts a few hours, marraige is where it really counts. Thats where I want to spend my time and money. And, really, if I am spending money like that, Paul and I are going on a trip, without ya'll. hehe

One last thing, on my wedding day I prayed for God to bless our marriage and for us to forever stay honeymooners. I didn't want to be one of those wives who didn't like being married, I had seen enough of them. At church no less. Anyway, I don't know why God answered that prayer, to give my marriage a life long honeymoon, but He did. At first people would say, you're just honeymooning, give it a few years. After a few years, people said, just wait till you have kids. After kids.... Well I think they just have given up and say "that's just Paul and Paige." Four kids later.... Obviously we are still honeymooning. 

Our Story, Day 6

Day six of "our story"

I was supposed to be in 11th grade, but was almost finished with 12th. Just one of the benefits of homeschooling. Rather than spending my senior year doing one class, I decided to take my GED and go on to college. I applied at a relatively nearby University, and got in. Paul and I knew we would eventually get married and with me going to college a year earlier, it could be sooner. So, at 16, I graduated high school and was accepted in college. I turned 17 over the summer. My, what a year it had been. I had experienced a great amount of spiritual growth and matured so much in that time. It is evident in my diary, which the middle school girls at my church get to read. The change in my life from my full on commitment to Christ (right around my 16th birthday) is plain as day evident in my entries. I went from being self centered, to looking out at my future, and considering others before myself.

Around the end of July or beginning of August, Paul took me out to dinner and to a jewelry store. He was letting me pick out my ring. After looking a little while I picked out the ring style and the diamond I wanted him to buy. He acted as if it would take a little bit of time for him to pay for it and he would probably propose in October, once it was paid for. 

Monday August 19th I started my college classes, the very first time I had ever sat in an academic class in my life. Guess what? This homeschooled girl did just fine. I was not anymore socially awkward than any other introvert, and I didn't fall apart from the physcological stress of going from homeschool to college.

The Friday of that week was the Christian Education Convention with church. Due to classes that day, I couldn't ride with everyone else from church. So I rode with Pauls mom over to where the convention was. It also was where his sister lived so she was going that way anyway. We got to the hotel right about time for dinner, Paul helped me unload my bags and put them in the hotel room, then we went to his sister's apartment. After being there for a few minutes we loaded up in the car and headed off to eat dinner.

We finished eating and went back to her apartment, Paul said that he wanted to watch the weather before going back to the hotel. I thought that was a bit strange but this is Paul we are talking about. As soon as the weather is over he says “Okay, lets go!” 

As we were leaving the apartment he handed me a beach towel and got something out of the refrigerator that looked like a champagne bottle in a bag. I asked him what it was he said “It’s a surprise for someone”. *insert eye roll by me here*

I continued to ask him questions about the towel and whatever was in the bag, and he said nothing of value. Finally I asked one last time and he said “Okay, you know how I have said I wanted to go to that island over here? Well, I figured since we don’t come up here that often then I would take you there tonight” I thought that was sweet, but it still didn’t answer what was in the bag!

When we got there he laid the towel out on the ground, it was a little damp since it had sprinkled earlier. The view was amazing, we could see the Bridge with all the lights on it, and to top it off, the moon was perfectly centered in-between the two towers on the bridge. It was beautiful.  As I am sitting on the towel he gets up and goes back to the car and comes back with the mystery bottle that I was wondering about and two champagne glasses. A little nervous about the answer, but I asked him what it was. “This is the surprise.” It turns out that it was Sparkling Grape Juice. Whew.

He poured a little in each glass then said, “Let’s toast to our future! Now you have to sip that, and drink all of it or it doesn’t work.” Wondering what wasn't going to work, I said “Okay” and started sipping it.

After only a couple of minutes of sipping he asks me if I am done with it, and I said “No...” while I was thinking, “You just told me to sip it, and now you are hurrying me?”   *Insert another eye roll*

As I am about to take the last sip, I see something in the bottom of the glass. I could not tell what it was at first, but as I looked closer, I could tell that it was a ring. I almost broke the glass trying to get that ring out. When I finally did I just looked at him in disbelief, was he really proposing to me now?!?! Then, as I was starting to cry, he told me to stand up so he could do this right, then he said “Will you marry me?”  I think ya'll know what I said.

I guess he wanted the guys at college to leave me alone. I got that ring well before spring.

Our Story, Day 5

Day five of "our story"


In February of course was Valentine's Day. Paul gave me a magnificent card  and a teddy bear. The card was very special in that it had a bench on it that had a heart sitting on the bench. You see, it was the picture of a bench we sat on that looked out on a lake. The card stated that I held his heart. The man can be quite the romantic when he wants to be. 

It was also the month for a youth event called Aquire the Fire. I went with my best friend Tarah, her family and another friend Jenna. I was a last minute add on to the trio so I didn't have a ticket. Paul and his friend Mark were taking their Royal Ranger group and had an extra ticket. Wonder how that happened?
 
They were also borrowing my Dodge Durango to drive to the event. So since I was getting my ticket from them.... I sat with them for Friday and Saturday services. It was the polite thing to do, at least I played it off as that, since those around me didn't know Paul and I had been seeing each other. Somehow I ended up next to Paul every time we sat down, crazy how that happened. Anyway, it was very cold (Paul actually brought me socks on Saturday since I didn't have any and was wearing flip flops) so we both had jackets, he was wearing his and I had mine draped over me. Soon enough we were holding hands under the cover of the jacket, those around us still in the dark.

A favorite memory I have of that event was watching Paul worship during the service. He was a man after Gods heart. Something that was vitally important to me, I wanted a man who seeks God. I so badly wanted Paul to be my future husband.

Somewhere around the next week or so we went to the wedding of a mutual friend. Of course, to keep everyone else out of the loop, we were sitting with our individual families. Politely, Paul came over to say hello to me and my mom (wow did I loved seeing that man smile),  then went back and sat next to his mom.  

A few minutes later Paul walks back over and asks if he can sit with us. A bit stunned, I smile and say of course. He sat down next to me. I asked what he was doing, I'm not even sure what he said, but something to the effect of everyone will find out eventually anyway, might as well be now. So, he sat with me the rest of the wedding and following festivities. No one said a word. I didn't even really notice anyone looking. Then he sat with me again the next morning at church. People noticed.

It was then we were called in to talk to our Youth Pastor and his wife (Paul was a youth leader, and I was a youth aged youth leader). We let them know we had begun a courtship, and to ease their minds, we let them know we were only spending time with each other at our families house or at events. 

The next month was a big event for Paul. It was PowWow, the big yearly camping event for the Rangers in the state. The evening service was open so girls could attend and Paul invited me. I watched him get on stage and do a short talk about the Gold Medal of Achievement. A boy near me was trying to talk to me and flirt with me. I admit, I really enjoyed letting him know I was trying to listen to my boyfriend, the tall slim guy on stage. After the service that night Paul walked me out to my car. We talked for a few minutes and sat in the car due to bugs. As he was saying goodbye and about to get out of my car, I knew he was the one.  I knew I never wanted to say goodbye anymore, only goodnight. I knew he would be the daddy to my babies. I knew he would be the man to get the rest of my kisses for life.  Keep in mind, I still hadn't kissed the guy. Remember, I wasn't going to unless I knew he was the one I would marry? Now, I don't rush into things so I didn't kiss him that night, but I did the next night.

I found out later, Paul already knew I was the one for him. That is his story though, not mine.

Only problem.... I'm still 16...

Our Story, Day 4

Day four of "our story"

Paul lived about an hour away at the time, but came down to our hometown for church Tuesday nights to help with youth and then again to his parents for the weekend on Friday nights to get his laundry done and go to church on Sunday. One night he told me he was going to try to find a church closer to his apartment so he wasn't driving back and forth twice a week. He never found another church...

Around late October we finally admitted to each other, that despite trying not to have feelings for each other... we did. He found me to be a very impressive young lady who any man would be blessed to marry one day. I found him to be more than what I could have dreamed up  the perfect guy to be. We never had a set date of "going out" or a certain time of when we became "boy friend & girl friend", we just were. But, no one else knew we were. Due to the age difference, we didn't tell anyone outside of our family. 

It was still at least a few weeks after we knew we were a couple that  I let him put his arm around me and we finally held hands. There had been a bon fire for the church youth at someone's house. Paul and I were there, we talked a bit but not enough to draw attention to the fact we were together. I left the event shortly after Paul did, and I had to stop by his parents house to pick up dish he had borrowed (ok, maybe it was a butter dish that was completely throw away but we will ignore that fact). While we were outside by my car talking, he put his arm around me. He asked if it was ok and if I was comfortable with it, because he really wanted to put his arms around me. I remember feeling my heart beating in my throat, I remember feeling like I almost couldn't breathe, and of course I loved it.

By the holiday season Paul was over to my families house almost every Friday night for dinner, and I went to his parents Saturday afternoon and stayed for dinner. Normally, he would stop by after Youth on Tuesday nights. We talked on the phone the nights we didn't get to see each other. Sometimes until 1am. The poor guy had to go to work the next day.... I guess he really enjoyed talking to me. I was still adding things to my future husband list that were Pauls characteristics. I knew one thing for sure, if I didn't marry him I still wanted a man who was like him.

Our time spent with our families, as opposed to alone on dates, meant that we got to get to know each other for who we really were. Its hard to be fake around your family. Also our family could see our relationship, how we interacted and tell us of any red flags they saw. It also meant that preserving our purity was easier. Since we were not really alone much, we couldn't get into situations where compromising our values would be easy. 

We had Thanksgiving dinner with each others family, then Christmas. I knew Paul was a goofball while at the same time very serious about things he needed to be serious about. Obviously, he could take a good joke too, since his uncle sent his Christmas gift in a Kotex box.

He left to go out of state shortly after Christmas to visit family. It was then I realized just how much we talked. Even though it wasn't really any different in the time between when I would normally get to see him, I didn't get to talk to him on the phone. It was back in the dark ages of roaming charges on cell phones (kids, that meant if you were out of state, they charged an arm and leg for you to use your cell phone). We emailed a lot while he was gone (which by the way, our email was not on our phones).  One email I got from him said something about people talking about their best friends, and he realized then that I was his best friend. I knew he was my best friend by that point too.
 
What I really wanted to know is if he would be my husband one day. I so badly wanted him to be. 

Our Story, Day 3

Day three of "our story"

Paul started talking to me more after he realized I wasn't quite as young as he thought. Through the conversations we had online I got to know what an awesome guy he was. We had similar passions and beliefs. I talked to him about the book Choosing God's Best and we had very meaningful conversations about relationships and dating, and our future marriages. One time he was telling me how he wondered if something was wrong with him, that he wasn't married yet and wasn't even in a serious relationship and he was almost 25. I responded by telling him that either he wasn't ready, or, maybe the woman God had for him wasn't ready. I honestly didn't know why he didn't have a girlfriend. He seemed like the perfect guy.

I had decided to go all in on the letting God write my love story thing. So much that I decided I wasn't going to even kiss anyone else until I knew I was going to marry him. That was so far away from where I had been 6 months prior. You see, I wanted a boyfriend and I wanted to kiss a boy. Which I did, but it was not all movies had made it out to be. I really liked this one boy, but he had a girlfriend. I also liked another guy who was single, but he didn't want to ask me out. Following the advice of the first guy, I then involved yet another guy by flirting with him to make the second guy jealous. I know I hurt the third guy, and it was all out of selfishness. Selfishness is such an ugly thing when we realize what we have done. I didn't want to seek things out of selfishness any longer. That meant I wasn't going to take any more kisses that didn't belong to MY husband.

Since Paul was older than me, we were strictly friends. I mean, I did think he had the most spectacular blue eyes ever and he was super hot, for an old guy. But he was my friend, older, and not an option. I enjoyed talking to him online and found that as I got to know him, there were things about him I knew I wanted in a husband. So, I started adding to a list I was making. A future husband list. You know, when you go to the grocery store without a list and you end up forgetting things you wanted and getting a bunch of junk you don't need? Well, I viewed it the same for my future husband. I was making a list of what I was looking for in a future husband, and if a guy didn't meet my requirements, he wasn't going to be an option. Through my friendship with Paul, I found I was adding more and more to my list, based off of him.

Eventually he started calling me. This was after he stole my phone number, from my own phone. I still remember that night and how I was slightly perturbed by the fact he didn't ask me for my number. Remember guy number three? Well I had refused to go out with him simply because he got my number from a friend and didn't ask me for it. He also had his friend as me out for him, that was a no go for me even though I desperately wanted a boyfriend. 

Soon enough, we were talking on the phone every night, and for hours at a time. I knew I found him to be an incredible man, really good looking, and exactly what I wanted to marry. He was just 8 years older than me, and when you are 16, that is a big difference. I also knew more than anything, I wanted to follow God's will for my life. I prayed a lot about what to do with the feelings I was having for him, and the feelings he finally admitted having for me.

Around the time of homecoming, Paul wanted to do something nice for me but knew he couldn't take me out on a date. He knew that since I was homeschooled I wouldn't be going to the homecoming dance. So he arranged to take me and a few of my friends out to a nice dinner so we could get all dressed up. He took us to the Chart House, and if you know how Paul doesn't like to spend his money, this was big for him. This grand gesture for me was unseen for others. They didn't know we spent hours on the phone, or that he was becoming my best friend. This man took us all out for dinner, just so he could take me out for Homecoming. He didn't get to sit next to me in the car and talk to me. I don't even think he sat right next to me at dinner. He was getting nothing out of it except creating a memorable night for me.

It was around this time that we began to spend a lot of time with each other, but only around our families. When we would go to leave each others houses, he would chase me around my car trying to get a hug, which I would only side hug at that. He was always respectful of me and my purity. Something quite opposite of what guy number one (from before) had told me a few months earlier, which was "I'm not interested in going out with you cause I know you won't do anything with me."

Our Story, Day 2

Day two of "our story"

Back in the day before texting, the main form of communication outside of talking on the phone was instant messaging. I had both AOL instant messenger and MSN messenger. While on that youth trip, I got everyone's messenger name that I didn't already have so I could talk to them outside of church. Well, as a joke, someone on the trip gave me Pauls messenger name rather than theirs. I am pretty sure they were trying to be mean to Paul and at the same time, thought I was annoying.

I messaged Paul and he of course asked how I got his name, he was probably taking notes and going to toilet paper someones car over it. We chatted a couple of times online, he seemed like a nice enough guy. For an old guy that is. He was friends with someone in the church I was interested in, this gave us some common ground.

As my relationship with Christ grew stronger, and I started handing over more of my life to Him, I started losing the obsession I had with wanting a boyfriend. I still wanted one, but was starting to see that wasn't all life had to offer. After I had read the book I bought at the youth conference, Choosing Gods Best, I contemplated the radical idea of leaving my love life up to the Savior. I found that the closer I got to God, the less I wanted to pursue a relationship with a boy. The one boy I had been obsessed with wanting to out with for the past three years was not even appealing to me. The one guy at church that I was interested in, evidently was not interested in me. So, after a week or two, I took the leap, I left my love life in God's hands. I decided to focus on being Mrs. Right, being a whole woman, rather than spending my time searching for Mr. Right. 

Right about that time (which was about 2 months after the youth trip) was when I caught Paul's attention. I wasn't trying to, it just happened. The outfit I was wearing evidently was quite memorable to him. He will tell the story of the girl in a red shirt and black pants that walked into church one morning. He saw me from his car but didn't know who I was, just that I looked nice and he wanted to meet me. To hear him tell the story, he darted for the door so he could make a good impression but didn't make it before I got in and lost in the crowd. Once he finally got in and saw who the girl was in the red shirt, he realized that I was not actually twelve but he was still too old for that girl. 

He did end up talking to me that day. Apparently he noticed that I had the attention of some other guys. There were about five of them hanging around talking to me after service that morning. In true Paul style he walks up and says "Guys you look like flies on crap." The boys had a deer in the headlights look and all slowly walk away. Really, even though it was a bit insulting, it was smart. He then had me all to himself. 

How did I feel about the comment? I'm pretty sure I asked him WHY he just said I was a pile of crap. I have no idea what else we talked about at that time, I'm sure it was something we had in common, besides the color pink, Coca-Cola and pouring Doritos on our plates. Since he realized I was NOT twelve.

Later that afternoon he got online and messaged me. He let me know I was very pretty that morning. Immediately I responded with, "I thought you had a girlfriend." He let me know that they had broken up a few weeks prior, and that he was just trying to complement me. 

That night at church he even came over and started chatting with me. One of my friends accused us of flirting since we were having a conversation. I pointed out that flirting was what she and the guy sitting next to her were doing, not what Paul and I were doing. Really, we weren't flirting, we were talking, he was way to old for me to consider in that way even if I had been looking.